Cannabis Top >>

Naaah, you're alright.

Did you know it takes them an entire day to shoot 10 seconds of footage for those plasticine cartoons. Keep smoking that and you'll care.

No thanks, I don't smoke anything that's both a noun and a verb.

I'd rather eat my own sick.

Skunk? No, I prefer the cat that got dipped in paint each time. Oh no, wait, that's Pepe le Pew.

Ehhh, no thanks. Have you seen what that stuff does? It makes grown men watch cartoons.

No thanks. I once smoked that and the next thing I knew I'd eaten the front half of my shoes.

That's all well and good. But who's going to cut out letters from the paper and make sweary headlines? Seriously, one puff of that and I'll get nothing done all day.

No thanks, it really puts me off people

I'd rather suck the farts out of a dead pigeon.

Nope. I think anything that makes fast food palatable is clearly the work of Satan.

I don't need to smoke weed to eat a whole box of doughnuts...

Does weed count as greens? I can't stand greens.

Gotta catch me first. Tag, you're it and you smell until you catch me.

No, that's not my bag.

I'd rather lick the floor of the gents' toilets.

I'll tell you what. Smoke it yourself!

Naaah. It's nothing but crappy gear these days. There's no ride, no giggles, just paranoia, munchies and monging.

Cocaine Top >>

Do you know if you sprinkle that on plants they grow eyes and cry?

I'm not into that. No thanks.

Cocaine? Oh please! That's so nineties!

I heard that stuff is cut with cement. If I squeeze you, can we tile my kitchen with your nose?

You know four wraps of that will buy you a car?

Sorry not tonight, I'm inventing new smells for car fresheners. What do you think of "recently washed dog" or, "teabag on a woman." No?... "Monkey scabs?", "Dishwater blue?", "Kiddie pool wee-wee?"

I'd get a bigger buzz sniffing your shoes.

Why? My eyes are already lazy.

Eeeew, no thanks. Every time I do that I wind up with nose oysters in my throat and I hate oysters. I don't care how posh they are, they are just wrong.

Yeah, that's all well and good, but what am I supposed to say to the family that's put a down payment on my nose? Those guys are counting on me man.

Hmmmm...no. Not really feeling the crack head look.

I don't like coke, have you got any Fanta?

If you mix that with dust you can make playdoh for monkeys.

I would but my nose is cram packed with snuff.

Quick. Take your pants off I want to see if what they say about that stuff is true...Actually, on second thoughts.

Is that really necessary? You look like you'll have an eye out with that. Then where will you be? In an alley, all eyeless...and sad.

Ewwwwww no. That stuffs cut with kitten skulls. Did no-one tell you? Throw it back quick before Santa gets here.

Did you know that humans can use pigs' hearts? No? Well you will soon Piggy!

Ecstasy Top >>

Umm, naah, I plan on sleeping between now and next week.

I would, but everytime I do that stuff I wake up looking like one of those shaved cats.

No, you're having a laugh mate.

Only animators do that stuff. That's why cartoon aliens look like upside-down balls.

No thanks. Last time I did that, I let my dog sleep in my bed. I stayed up all night hugging it and I still smell like dog. I can't walk down the street without getting mobbed by dogs, because of the dog smell... that I have...thanks to ecstasy. Sorry am I boring you? Lemme tell you about this dream I had...Where're you going?

No thanks, I'm about the music

Naah thanks, the comedowns really aren't worth it.

Wait. I have self esteem and dignity.

Ok. Loser goes first. Ha, you win!

Yes, but when will the rhythm get you? Quick, look baffled! Perfect.

That will just make my bad times happen faster.

Shhh. I'm flying all the world's planes with my mind

Can i phone a friend? He might want some too. Naa, actually, there's no point.

Can't we all just flex the pecs instead?

No thanks. My drug of choice is Cornish pasties and hip-hop.

No thanks mate. You enjoy redecorating your skip though yeah ?

Ecstasy? Do you have any idea how many different ways you can spell that?

Our survey says er errr.

LSD Top >>

No way. Last time I did that I turned into a lizard. I'm still finding the skin I shed that night.

Do these socks make me look fat? Give it fifteen minutes and that question will make perfect sense.

Sorry, Tuesday night is yoga night and I know the risks of thinking I'm bendier than I actually am. I'm still picking bum fluff out of my ears from last time.

No way. I'm still recovering from my last trip. I don't know what happened but my eyebrows haven't grown back.

Yeah, then maybe we could throw old batteries at shopping trolleys. Exactly how bored are you?

If I wanna believe I'm a pirate, I'd cut off me leg and buy a parrot.

No thanks. The last time I did that stuff I drilled a hole in my fridge just to see if the light went out when I closed it. It did.

No, I am the Lord of the Bees. Fly my pretties. Damn. I'm all out of bees. Excuse me.

No thanks. Drugs make me unnecessarily tantalising and cryptic. Or do they??

Now quick, if you jump high enough you'll stay there. I've seen it in cartoons.

Have you ever tried to eat your own tongue? It takes ages, tastes awful and it hurts.

How about we play gin rummy instead?

I can't. I'm designing a bra for men. Sexy and supportive yet still masculine.

Do you know what that's cut with? Disdain. That's right, they've started dealing concepts in powered form. These people are evil I tell you. I won't have it. Now, be gone you.

I'd sooner French kiss a camel, then my gran, then a puddle, then you.

No really I can't. Drugs make me sarcastic, you absolute legend!

No thanks. I've got to dig all the amoebae out of that puddle.

No thanks, I'm a girl. I don't want a beard by the time I'm twenty.

Wild Card Top >>

No thanks. My drug of choice is cow-tipping and dustbusting.

I can't. I've got three wedding cakes to sit in this afternoon.

If this were a computer game I would have mugged you and nicked all your money by now.

I'd sooner bathe in custard and cat vomit.

I'm not sure what the right answer is but I know it's not a "yes".

Quick the cops are coming. Let's all climb on top of one another and pretend we're a totem pole. It works, I saw it in a cartoon.

No thanks. My grandad was on that stuff and now he just keeps fish.

No. My mum was a hippy. Say no more.

You know what, I'd rather snog my grandad

No thanks. Me on drugs is like, like, erm... um... I'm as good at analogies as... well I'm not.

My body is a temple.

I'd sooner get a job face planting in a cactus factory.

The studio audience gives a big thumbs down.

Seriously, that stuff really messes you up.

I'd rather wear corduroy

How about...no.

No thanks, I've got such an addictive personality.